no snow in the valley

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Romans 12:1-2

it snowed in the mountains last weekend..... but we didn't get any snow in the valley..... as you can clearly see in the picture.... however, it did rain all week... and when it rains it pours.... and hails........ a lot..... it's been probably the worst couple of weeks i can remember having ever, and it's taken all the strength that God has given me to get through...... but everytime i start feeling ok, something new happens, and i start feeling worse again..... i am full of anger and bitterness, and i don't know what use i am to God when all i feel is anger... i would much rather be with Him, and Jessi, and Arissa..... but for some reason i'm not, and all i can do is trust God to lead me through the torrential downpour, even when it seems unfair to have been led into it...... but here i am, dodging lightning bolts, and waiting for the tornado to lift me up and take me away to be with Jesus..... the hardest thing for me to do is trust Him, because i don't understand all that's going on right now...... but Proverbs says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding..." so that's what i'll do....... i'm gonna walk blindly with Him, and trust Him..... He's given me such strength the last two weeks... more strength than i thought was possible for this weak body to ever encompass....but He makes me walk on water in raging storms.... all i have to do is keep my eyes focused on Him and not on the storms surrounding me.... pray that i have continued strength to do this.... and pray that i will be released from the grip that this anger has on me....... i've been pretty mad before... but i don't think i've ever felt anger like i do right now, and i don't know how to handel it or how to get rid of it...... i can't get rid of it, but God can take it away from me if i give it to Him..... pray that i can let go of it.......... i don't know what God is doing in my life right now, but trust is a huge necessity..... pray that i will have a renewed faith and a renewed trust daily......

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

-Romans 12:12

that was yesterday... and get this! it snowed in the valley tonight!!!!! and it's still snowing! the snow is a reminder to me that God's love is unfailing, and it's not always gonna be rain and hail.... wow! i had a terrible weekend, and last nigt we broke the news to the girls that our laurel ridge family is separating.... it was sad... it was really hard, we all cried, and then we had a slumber party, and all slept in the living room in front of the fireplace..... it was a really great end to such a sad night.... and this morning abby and i decided we weren't going to let these kids or ourselves be depressed all day, so we declared december 13 "don't bend your knees day"... wow! we had so much fun! i don't think the 8 of us have laughed so much in one day the whole time we've been here! so tomorrow is "double speak day" and wednesday is "don't use your thumbs day"..... we're gonna make it through this, and we're gonna use the gift of laughter that God gave us to do it..... i still have all the same prayer needs, and i'm still struggling with anger, but i'll never forget that in my darkest hours, God sent snow to the valley.... and even though people don't always follow His will for their lives, even when it's as clear as daylight, and clearly laid out in the scriptures, He is unfailing, and works for the good of those who love Him.... what an awesome God!

thank you all for your love and support! they all say "never say never" but i will definitely NEVER forget how wonderful you all are and how much you've done for me!!! and i have no hesitation in using that word! i hope i get to see as many of you as i can this Christmas! i said i wasn't gonna send another e-mail, but apparently i lied...... and who knows what the next 4 days hold for me... wow, i feel like i've bombarded y'all with emails the last 2 weeks! this is crazy! (i'm being a yenta....) i love y'all!!

His,

Anna Kathryn

"I thank my God everytime I remember you.

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy."

-Philippians 1:3-4

"you and i... we will be ok..."

--corrie (in my cell as I AM WONDERFUL) i love you so much!!!

hmmm...

here's the situation:

my life at the ranch will be 100% different when i get back here from our 2 week christmas break.... my house parents are leaving, camile and elizabeth are moving to the other girls house, and laura and lensa are going elsewhere to learn "independant living skills" with a couple who works here, and abby and i will live at laurel ridge all by ourselves and probably do odd jobs around the ranch (filing, answering the phone, pastor wood's radio show.....) unless abby decides to go home... then i'll live here all by my lonesome..... and be a bitter old maid for the rest of the year, because not one, but all five of my girls have or are soon leaving me, plus my house parents..... the past two weeks have introduced a lot of change into our lives and have been really hard, but after christmas, i anticipate it getting harder..... i miss arissa..... i miss her hugs and her i love you's...... i miss everything about her, and there's nothing that i do here that isn't hard for me because she's not standing next to me and holding my hand.... walking back to the house by myself after devotions is the hardest thing to do... everytime i open my second drawer and see all of our science kit stuff and all the experiments we were going to do, i tear up.... it's really hard, and truly, the only comfort i have is knowing that she is safe now and happier than ever with our Lord...... after christmas, all the joy that i have left in this house will be gone..... except for my seperated at birth twin sister, abby, who hopefully will stay here..... i'm praying, firstly, that i won't remain bitter, and i'll accept this as God's will and surrender to Him, and secondly that they'll assign me as camile's mentor and i can teach her english and whatever else...... if that's what God wants me to do, then i'll be very pleased, if not, i'll work hard, and learn to love what He has me doing anyways..... camile needs some stability and that's something she's seen very little of since she's been here..... i'm worried the most about her, because she really has bonded with our house staff, and is now being moved out..... i agree with zero percent of what i heard in meetings today, but it's not about me and what i want to do.... it's about God and what He wants me to do and what is best for these kids...... i hate change, and i've accepted a lot of it the past few months, and it's been hard, but i'll continue to accept it and deal with it with the Lord's help..... i pray that the girls and our house parents can do the same, and somehow see the hand of God in everything that has happened since thanksgiving and is still happening..... please pray for continued strength for this house that's grown so strong together the last two weeks, and is about to be separated........ it's gonna be a really huge transition for the 8 of us, and we each need your prayers so badly...... so that's the situation..... this is probably the last e-mail i'll send before i leave here, so cherish it, and please pray that we will joyfully surrender to God's will without question or bitterness....... i hope i see you all while i'm home (except for my maconites..... you'll have your chance sooner or later....) i love y'all and i thank you soooooooo-------> much for loving me and being so supportive through your prayers for these kids and for me.....

His,

anna kathryn

"i thank my God everytime i remember you.

in all my prayers for all of you, i always pray with joy."

-phil. 1:3-4

fuzzy wuzzy cindy was a great caterpillar...

firstly, i am going to email each of you who i got a reply from back, but be patient, because there are a lot! and secondly, i want to thank each of you so much for being part of my life and for praying me through this.... GOD will get me through this.... He is getting me through it!

so many neat things happened the past couple of days in indiana, things that give me comfort and things that reassure me that i have a purpose here... i've really been feeling useless this week since arissa was my day and night.... we were two peas in a pod... when you saw one of us, you knew your were about to see the other one.... without her here, i really don't feel like i have much of a job... i just don't have anything to do... so that reassurance was much needed!

here are a few things that happened:

*"Let's prayer." -Arissa

*"I like when we prayer together." -Arissa

*tucking arissa in one night after we prayed: arissa: "do you think God is amazing?" me: "yeah, i do..." arissa: "i do too.... and miss anna kathryn?" me: "yeah?" arissa: "i think you're amazing too..."

*Arissa: "And God, thank you for Miss Anna Kathryn, because she really is in my heart... and so are you... but not satan... and God, just crush satan right now, so that no one will go to him anymore, and everyone will come to you..."

*Arissa: "Do you think God cares if we repeat things sometimes when we pray?"

Me: "Not at all..."

Arissa: "Good... Because everytime we pray together I'm always gonna start like 'Dear God, thank you that we get to spend this time together.'"

arissa and i used to pray together every night..... i started and she closed........ these were definitely the most precious moments i spent with arissa every day, and probably the most precious moments i spent with God.... everynight i saw that child growing closer and closer to her Creator.... in the beginning she basically just repeated what i said, but after a little while she started really talking to God from her heart, and asking me questions afterwards..... she was so thankful and so loving and there was no doubt that she loved Jesus Christ and that she loved me... when she got home for thanksgiving break, her grandmother asked her what she has learned since she's been here and she said: "what i've learned most is really how to pray."

now..... as many of you know..... i'm not typically one to pray outloud in front of anyone ever..... but God doesn't care what our weaknesses are, because He can break those barriers and work through us anyways! and He taught that beautiful child to love Him and to share that love with Him, and used somebody who never in a million years would have imagined being used that way! how incredible! i am so greatful that He chose me as one of His tools in helping Arissa learn this!

*Dr. Pardue: "Are you likin' it over there at the ranch?"

Arissa: "Huh? Lichen? Are you talking about botany?" a proud moment for a botany teacher!!

if you recall, i also felt that teaching botany was a huge weakness, and something i was terrible at.... but wednesday night, arissa's grandmother took us to see her room, and while we were there, she said "one of the first things arissa said to me when she got back was 'grandma, i LOVE science! we're learning botany, and that's the study of plants, and did you know that moss is a nonvascular plant, because it doesn't have tubes to carry the water?' and went on and on about botany!" wow! another barrier! and you know what.... i am SO scared of having a different student to teach, because the only options are middle school english and history or high school english and history, and while i LOVE the girls and am thrilled to be one of their "mentors" (teachers), i do not so much love english or history, and am not so thrilled to teach either..... but arissa, in those comments to her grandmother, showed me the power of God to give me the ability to do something i don't think i can do..... and who knows, maybe God put an english teacher somewhere inside of me..... i did learn from the best (coach moore! ...does this mean i get the flying frog? haha)

*arissa runs down stairs at 7:15 am, with her red sweat pants on and entirely TOO much energy for that early!! "miss anna kathryn! i have 5 shirts on! two tee shirts, my purple sweater, my red sweat shirt, and a jacket!" this happened at least 3 times a week!!

at the visitation, arissa was so made up, and in such a grown up outfit.... you wouldn't know it was the same kid..... she looked so serious and that's so not her! and you know what, it was a HUGE comfort to me to see her like that, because it made it so so so clear to me that that body was not her! it was her body, her shell.... it contained none of her liveliness or her personality, or her soul.... if it did, she would have had on red sweat pants, a funny face, and been giving me a knubbies up..... Arissa is with Jesus! her body is in the ground in laporte, indiana, but she is with her Father, and everything i love about her is not dead and buried! it's relocated, and my only comfort comes in knowing that i will be reunited with that amazing child again! maybe not tomorrow or the next day, and that's the hard part, because i miss her so much, but i'm certain that i will see her again! and she'll be even happier and bouncier than when she was here, because she will have nothing to fear, and nothing to be sad about! that body, as beautiful as it was, was not my arissa......

one of our songs here at laurel ridge is 'go light your world'... a song about spreading the gospel to unbelievers...... one that we listen to over and over and over again, because it's a beautiful song.... now... the main girls who to my previous knowledge loved this song so much were camile and laura.... arissa usually belted out 'come, now is the time to worship' or 'agnus dei' while she was in the shower instead... but at her funeral, the song that her grandmother chose to play, because arissa loved it and sang it so much when she was home, was 'go light your world.' we had no idea she loved that song so much! but it makes sense, because even in her death, God continues to use her to spread knowledge of His love to people who have no idea.... i already know of one little boy who accepted Christ this week because he knew arissa, and he knows she's with the Lord right now! my prayer is that so many more, in indiana and beyond, will see His glory through her life and her death, and come to know Jesus Christ as well....

here's something neat, and light........

the first field trip we went on this year was to an apple orchard..... i'm pretty sure the first time i've ever been to one..... and while we were there, we had a funeral for a caterpillar.... fuzzy wuzzy cindy..... and as arissa was very intricately building the gravesite, the conversation went like this :

arissa: "she was a great pet...."

emily: "why don't we go around and each say what we loved most about fuzzy wuzzy cindy..."

me: "fuzzy wuzzy cindy was a great caterpillar.... i'll really miss her.... that journey from indiana to east tennesse.... wow..... etc............"

i have a great picture of her sitting next to fuzzy wuzzy cindy's gravesite, and holding her microphone (or stick, which i also have in my room....)

the second time i went to an apple orchard was thursday morning... and there was a funeral there too..... because the cemetary that arissa was buried in is in the middle of an apple orchard! i can't wait to go back there, and use that same "microphone" and say what i loved most about her!

it was really great for me to go to indiana... there were a couple of negative things that came up, but they just made me happier for her that she doesn't have to live on this dangerous and scary earth ever again.... and i feel so much more at peace.... i'm still sad, because i loved that little girl so much, and i always will... day to day life will still be hard without her here, because everytime i walk by her door, i see an empty room, and i remember how much i miss her... i'm still gonna cry, and i'm still gonna feel a huge void... but i'm gaining strength everyday.... GOD is giving me more and more..... i'm gonna hold onto Him in this scary and hard time, just like arissa held onto His word in her last moments on this earth..... He took her from her fear and pain and into His arms, and I know He'll hold me too, and get me through this..... you guys are amazing, and i love you so much for praying for me and my ranch family and arissa's family.... this e-mail is incredibly long, but i'm so encouraged, and just wanted y'all to know that, and to know that you had a hand in that.... i can't thank you enough! keep prayin for us as we move into a normal schedule monday morning without arissa... and i'll keep prayin for y'all, and thanking my God for putting you each in my life!

His,

anna kathryn

"I thank my God everytime I remember you;

in all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy."

-Philippians 1:3

my arissa

hey y'all... we just got back from indiana a few minutes ago, and i should really be asleep in my bed already, but i wanted to share this pretty cool story with you....

arissa's grandmom, becky, told us she put arissa's bible in the bottom of her bag and put her bag in the trunk.... but the only way that the police officer could identify her when he got to the scene was because her name was written on the inside of her bible which was clasped in her hands! evidently she asked her jaja to get it for her somewhere along the way... praise the Lord! could He make it any more clear to us that she is resting in His arms right now!?

i have a lot to say, and i'll get to it in another e-mail, but that was definitely the most moving and comforting story i heard on the trip! we serve an amazing God, y'all, and my arissa is with Him right now! what a lucky girl!

i gotta quit typing and go to sleep before the tears start, but i love y'all so much, and THANK YOU for your prayers! i felt them so much the past 44 hours.... keep it up, and i'll pump another email out soon....

His,

anna kathryn