the crashing waves

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holdin out His hand
But the waves are callin out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on tellin me
Time and time again, "Boy, You'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

Last year at WVR, one of my sweet girls who I love dearly said to me, "Listen to the lyrics of this song, it's amazing" and she played The Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns.... I was like "Yeah, that's great..." This is a girl who I watched grow and who I grew with all year, and those words rung so true to her time at the ranch, and how God was working in her life as she listened to the truth that God always revealed to her... At 13 years old, she was able to hear that song in a way that I didn't hear it until recently... Now I'm convinced they wrote it about me, except I'm a girl...

I'm reminded of the time I went to the Bahamas with Young Life... We were on this 52 foot sailboat for 7 days and nights, just floating around the caribbean... It was great, amazing, really.... until we drifted upon a tropical depression... not quite a hurricane, but that's what we liked to call it, Hurricane Cristobal.... anyways, one gusty night, after everyone was asleep except for me, my cousin (Emily), Hollis (then Matthew), the deckhand (Ryan) and Tall One (Zach Belcher), the wind and rain grew so strong that we weren't sure we would make it through the night... all we knew was that we had to save that boat, and it's crew, from certain destruction! the five of us, in the pitch black of that stormy night, through the wind and the rain, put the tarp up over the deck of the boat and saved it's life and our lives forever! Now, maybe it wasn't quite that dramatic, but I remember looking over the side of that rocking boat, and thinking "If one of us fell over, we would be gone in an instant in those waves!" It really was terrifying, but the Lord kept us safe, and both the boat and it's crew made it through the night!

Oh what I would do to have the kind of faith it would have taken to step out of that boat towards Jesus' open arms if He had been standing out there in those waves that night... Now, I'm not gonna lie... I've been struggling, and I'm pretty certain that if I were put in that scenario today, I would hold onto those sails for dear life!

Everyday I wake up and ask God for a "good day" and every day I leave school worn out answering the question "how was your day?" with "not so great..." I've been extremely succeptible to hearing and believing the lies that satan whispers in my ear every moment of my time at Eagle Ranch... "Please... you can't do that job.... you'll never make a difference in those kids lives... you're not a good communicator... you don't know how to teach... you're like a 13 year old, those kids see you as a peer, not someone to look up to and learn from... quit, give up, you're wasting your time...." those words have flooded my mind for weeks and have left me discouraged, upset, annoyed, FRUSTRATED... any negative feeling, that's how I've felt recently...

Those thoughts and feelings are so unlike me, really the opposite of who I am, how I live my life, and how I feel 99% of the time.... I am so typically an extremely positive and excited person.... That's why the people at the Honda dealership enjoy me so much, they're just not used to seeing somebody who smiles ALL THE TIME, especially selling cars all day... that seems crazy to them, but that's me, and I like that about myself... God's given me so much, why waste my time not rejoicing in Him always? So when I start feeling down and discouraged, and can't seem to pull myself up, it's really torturous to me! But that's where I've been the last few weeks... I've been hearing these things that are so far from true, and I know they're lies, I know I'm at the ranch because God has me there, and there's some reason, He will use me, and I can do ALL things through Him... but I've started to forget the truth and believe the lies, and I'm allowing satan this grip of fear and discouragement over me... Even at the very point that I thought I had control and was convinced of the truth, they started coming at me faster and harder, and I've wondered if they're lies at all, maybe they're true, maybe I should leave this place... wow, I don't recall a time in my life that I've felt so discouraged and confused about what the Lord's will for me is! Even through the ups and downs during my time at WVR last year, I knew the Lord had me there, and I knew I was in His will... Here's a quote from an e-mail I sent that December during those hard times: "Proverbs says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding..." so that's what i'll do....... i'm gonna walk blindly with Him, and trust Him..... He's given me such strength the last two weeks... more strength than i thought was possible for this weak body to ever encompass....but He makes me walk on water in raging storms.... all i have to do is keep my eyes focused on Him and not on the storms surrounding me.... pray that i have continued strength to do this..." Where is that faith and that trust today? I don't know... but that's life, we struggle and we overcome.... We overcame those storms together and we'll overcome this one too... so that's where we're at, me and Jesus.... this "overcome" stage...

...but the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says "Do not be afraid"
The Voice of Truth says "This is for my glory"
Out of all the voices callin out to me
I will choose to listen and believe
The Voice of Truth

Thankfully I serve this amazingly wonderful God who loves me and sees me through these misunderstood times.... I cannot overcome these lies on my own.... Please, if it were me on my own, I would give up, shut down and quit.... I would hold onto those sails for dear life and never let go... That would be really easy for me to do... But the Lord, who always steers me in the right direction, combats all of those lies every day! And because of Him, I am encouraged! Because of Him, I can step out into the raging waters at Eagle Ranch every day that I'm given the opportunity to, and every day I will praise God for that! And because I know the Holy Spirit is constantly moving through that place, I don't have to ask for a "good day" or tell anyone ever that it wasn't such a good day, because everyday the Lord gives us there, whether one kid opens his heart to what Jesus can do in his life or 33 do, it will always be a GOOD day, simply because Jesus brought them to the ranch and they have the opportunity to learn about Him and to make life changes... and it will always be a good day for me, because Jesus put those great kids in my life and I get to hang out with them every day... And Jesus will always be standing in the midst of it all holding out His hand, waiting for me, all of those kids, and for all of us to listen to the Voice of Truth... Because of those things, I don't ask God for a "good day" anymore, but I thank Him for the GREAT day that He's set before me!

I am convinced now, through much discussion with my God, that I have a great purpose at Eagle Ranch, and I know that, no matter how incompetent I feel, as long as I make the consious decision not just every day, but every moment of every day to step out into the crashing waves, Jesus will be there... He has made me very aware of His constant presence and guidance, and of His sovereignty over my being at Eagle Ranch for another year, and I praise Him so much for that, because I have been very ready to say "goodbye" these past few weeks... But, thankfully, now is not the time! My life wouldn't be nearly as exciting or humorous, or filled with the wonders of Christ if these kids weren't in it, and I'm very pleased to be spending another year with them!

Please pray for me as I'm sure I'll continue to hear these lies every day, but maybe I just won't be quite so succeptible, and pray that I'll be constantly encouraged by the Lord's great work at the ranch and in my life! And also, this is moving week!! We're moving all week into our new beautiful school, so pray for us that all goes smoothly... This is the week we've been waiting for since, well just since August 5th for me and the students, but for years for the rest of the staff!! Y'all are wonderful and I love you very much! Thanks for being so faithful in your prayers for me and this ministry I've been given the opportunity to be a part of!

His,
Anna Kathryn

"I thank my God everytime I remember you!
In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy!"
Philippians 1:3&4

Signs that they're listening:

Man, the other day in class, Mr. Millwood was talking about what 'listening' looks like, and one of my 'gangsta' boys said, "I have James 1:12 written down here where Miss Buffington told it to me the beginning of the year, 'Dear brothers, everyone should be quick to listen slow to speak and slow to become angry.'"
WOW! That is huge to me!

I don't even remember this happening, but apparently I mentioned at some point that atomic fireballs are my favorite candy... well, last monday, one of my 7th grade boys came in and gave me what appeared to be a jar wrapped in a cracker barrel bag... I opened it and it was a jar full of atomic fireballs! I have never been more surprised! I was like "this is my favorite candy!!" and he said "I know, I saw them last Thursday and thought about you!" Hey, maybe if they hear the things that aren't so important, they hear the ones that are important too...

About a week after I told all my classes about Arissa, I was at the gym watching some of our kids play in these big basketball championship games against each other, and one of them walked by me and says "Blu Blu, Miss Buffington." I said "Blu blu tibed," and he got the biggest smile on his face!

leaky ceilings

"...if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;

the old has gone and the new has come!"

2 Corinthians 5:17

Well... last year I wrote all those e-mails on the changes the Lord was making in my life up at Wears Valley Ranch, and all the growth that was happening, which, let me remind you, was HUGE! This year... now don't get me wrong, there's still A LOT of changing and growing happening for me, and I'm sure you'll continue to get books about those things as well (in fact, I've already started the next one!! haha)... but in addition to the changes in my life, my eyes have been opened WIDE to the changing power that KNOWING GOD has in the lives of these kids I work with, and how necessary it is that we show them how God can change their lives COMPLETELY! hmmm... and the same thing, really for all of us, actually.....

Our students memorized and discussed that passage from 2 Corinthians for several weeks last semester... It's so neat to watch them start to live out that verse and let go of their past behaviors to seek the life that God has planned for each of them... These kids are so wonderful... Every day we have issues, and every day some kids take steps back and some take steps forward... For instance, the last two weeks have not been the easiest, the majority of the kids have been out of control and moody... However, this week has so far been loads of fun, and those same kids have been ready to learn, open minded and happy to be here.... You can't expect or look forward to excellence everyday from kids who haven't experienced anything of an excellent life... What you learn to expect is, step by step, each kid to slowly allow the Lord to work in them and through them... then, eventually they start to decide for themselves that they want to change... it doesn't always stick, and sometimes they return to their old ways of doing things... but more often than not, they come back, and reopen their minds and their hearts to what the Lord can do for them! I'm everyday reminded of my time at Laurel Ridge with Arissa... during those few months, I repeatedly said in these e-mails that she consistently was the most difficult and the most joyful part of every day for me... in fact, I continue to say that to this day, and I probably will forever, but that's without a doubt the most congruent comparison to my time here... some days are so hard, I could go home and cry for hours, but I don't, because I love these kids so much, and no matter what they say or do, or how they try to hurt me, I will never stop loving them, and I would never trade even the most difficult minute of my time here for anyting else, and just a smile, a pat on the back, or a silly comment wipes away all the "hard" about this job... These kids keep me laughing so much that I'm rarely put back for more than a minute or two... hahaha, just thinking about them right now makes me laugh... they are so funny!

That was totally off topic... well, kind of... anyways, the changes I've seen here in these great kids are so often minute, but every miniscule change for the better is HUGE, because it means that these kids are seeing what they've never seen before and that they like it and wanna see more of it... and that's a total God thing, because eventually they'll see that the difference in their old lives and the lives they're learning about and living at Eagle Ranch is that God is here and God is moving... whether they recognize it now or not!

Right now our school consists of two trailors... they are old and inconvenient... and when it rains outside... it rains inside... BUT the great thing about these trailors is that everytime we look out the windows of our history classroom, we see the wonders of this incredible, beautiful new building that's going up behind us! In about a month, we'll leave these leaky trailors and move into this beautiful brand new school that the Lord has provided for us! Wow, I just went in there today, and it's the most absolutely beautiful building, inside and out! What a wonderful and gracious God we serve! He has truly blessed this place, financially and with an amazing staff to love these kids and amazing kids to love this staff! And what a beautiful illustration He's given us of what we're trying to teach these kids... Throughout this school year, we have literally watched this new school be built from the ground up... we cancelled our first classes one day so we could go out and watch them put the roof up... it's been a long process, but this new creation is almost complete, and when we move in, we will all find GREAT joy in watching them tear these trailors down! it's gonna be the coolest... and here we are, with these kids... it's been a looong process, and it will continue to be a long process, but what joy we will find in seeing the Lord tear down the trailors in these kids, and fix the daily leaks in their ceilings for the rest of their lives! That will be even cooler!

Man, I love these kids so much, they make my job so enjoyable and easy! My prayer is that the Lord will continue to tear down the trailors in these kids, and fix the leaks that have damaged them and continue to damage them emotionally, physically and spiritually... God can create in them what He's created in our backyard here, and it's a great adventure to watch greatness be built in them from the ground up! Wow! The Lord continues to blow my mind as He teaches me about myself through these kids He's so graciously put in my life!! My other prayer is that we as a staff and myself as an individual always recognize when we daily "spring a leak" and constantly praise God for patching our ceilings... hahaha, is that too much metaphorical talk for one e-mail? you get it, right?

Well, anyways.... Thanks for all your prayers, I love you guys so so so much, you're wonderful!! Thanks for sticking around through all of the joys and the trials of my life, and the Lord's constant guidance and grace! Keep in touch!!!

His,

Anna Kathryn

"I thank my God everytime I remember you;

in all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy!"

Philippians 1:3-4

Here are some random stories/whatever for your reading enjoyment:

I've attached a picture of the new school, with a little edge of our trailors in it... I wanted a good full picture of the trailors with the new building in the background, but I couldn't get far away enough... I'm sure you can see where I was going with it...

David, one of my 7th graders: "I hope we do this tomorrow too... you're my best friend... or, one of them.... you're my favorite teacher... I mean, second favorite... well... you're my favorite parapro..."

Richard, one of my 8th graders: "I'm having a bad day, I'm in a bad mood... but I'll probably be in a good mood now... you always put me in a good mood... I don't know why... maybe it's cause you're always in a good mood..."

a note from one of my students:

"Ms. Buffington, U R a madd sweet teacher. ur fav student, Kyle"

Talking in history about who will be the next president:

Ravon: "Do you think it'll be a woman?"

Cameron: "Miss Buffington!!!"

Sean: "Yeah!! Miss Buffington, you should be president!!"

hahaha, can you imagine??

"Will you spin the frog?"

-many of my students, many times a week.......

Today was a good day.... I realized one reason why I love my job so much as I'm driving back from getting ice cream (instead of going to class) with 4 of my students in my car, and we're listening to Hilary Duff as loud as possible and then old school Puff Daddy tribute to Notorious B-I-G comes on, and of course I remember all the words, and the kids are like "I bet people think you're crazy when they see you driving down the road and it looks like you're talking to yourself, but you're really talking to your car!!" ...if they only knew...... This is a great place... God is good.....

I did some organizing of my email lists the other day, and here's what I found out: I've been sending these emails since the night before I moved to Tennessee, August 15, 2004... that first email went to 34 people... It's been a year and a half and here's what's changed: Now I send these emails to three different email lists... There are 41 people on each list... That's 123 people! That is crazy!! I didn't know I knew that many people!!