Dear Friend Who Knew Me

To many people I come off as a totally awkward, not sure what to say but super happy introvert with some ridiculous anxiety thrown in here and there.

You, friend, are one of a handful of friends who sees right through that awkward lady with issues.

I don't know how, I never see it coming, but every now and then somebody does it, somebody knows me totally and completely. You know me.

I'll never forget the moment I realized it.

Day two in the hospital, I returned a text from you asking if I needed anything.

"Something comfy, elastic-y, something to make me feel pretty." I was so over the hospital gown.

You work next door to a thrift shoppe, I didn't know what you would find, but surely they had something elastic-y in there!

You said you would see what you could do, and then I waited with my puffy knees expecting some type of old lady gown to drape over my swollen-ness.

You walked through the door with a box and a big smile, it was so good to see your face!

...and friend, the memory of opening that box you brought me has become for me such a physical representation of Psalm 139.

You have searched me, Lord,

and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

you, Lord, know it completely.

You hem me in behind and before,

and you lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

(vv. 1-6)

That day and over the course of the next seven weeks those verses would mean more to me than I ever realized they would.

I needed that reminder, I needed to remember that God knew me, He knew what I needed when I needed it, He knew each and every moment of those days, they were written in His book.

Even more so, I needed the reminder that He knew that tiny girl laying in an incubator down the hall raising her hand to the sky and praising Him with these words:

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, God!

How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand—

when I awake, I am still with you.

(vv. 13-18)

Thank you friend, for reminding me how good it is to know Him and to be known by Him!

Oh, and when I opened the box you handed me, I pulled out the shiniest hot pink satin pajamas with a loose drawstring waistband... amazing!


**this post is part of a seven week series of 'letters' to people, events and things that were part of the life transforming work God did in our lives during Mercy's stay in the NICU - for more on our growth in the NICU, check out our CaringBridge page**