Do I love God?

And this is my prayer:

that your love may abound more and more

in knowledge and depth of insight,

so that you may be able to discern what is best

and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ,

filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—

to the glory and praise of God.

Philippians 1:9-11

So, I had this conversation with one of my girls recently:

Me: "You know that I love you, right?"
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "The next time I see you, what if I punch you in the face, laugh, and make fun of you... Will you still know that I love you, or will you have some doubt...?"
Her: ((laughs)) "I'm gonna have some doubt........"

We finished our talk, I hung up the phone with her, and was left staring at ME, asking myself some questions......

Do I love God...?
Do I even know what it means to really love God?
How often do I punch God in the face.... and laugh??
If somebody were to ask God if He knows that I love Him, would He have some doubt?
Do I fully understand what happens to people who don't love God?

Oh man..... Heavy stuff.....

Then... more questions................

Do I understand what Jesus did for me, in my place, so that I wouldn't have to experience the consequences of not loving Him?
Do I love what He did for me?
Have I taken advantage of what He did for me by not living as though I love Him?
Can I change that?
Do I know how to change that?
Do I even want to change that????

Do I love God?????????????

Ugh.... it didn't stop... it went around and around in circles............
and here's my understanding of it all...

Jesus came into this world all those years ago... in a barn... in a feeding trough...
Jesus. Is. GOD!!!!! ...that's important.
He did amazing, incredible things while He was here, and taught us about love, and peace, and lots of other good stuff.
Then He died.... for ME... and for YOU...
Instead of me dying, HE DIED.
It should have been me.... because of my ridiculous sin, my unbelievable lack of love for my Creator and God...
But even though I haven't loved Him, He loves me.
Enough to be beat and scoffed at.... punched in the face and laughed at!!!
Enough to be slaughtered in my place.
And did He ever once question His love for the people (ME!) who punched Him, laughed at Him and didn't love Him???

NO!

As He breathed His final breaths, His words of His murderers were: "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34)

So to answer my questions....

Do I love God...? Yes.
Do I even know what it means to really love God? I think so...
How often do I punch God in the face.... and laugh?? umm.... A LOT!
If somebody were to ask God if He knows that I love Him, would He have some doubt? ...........probably.
Do I fully understand what happens to people who don't love God? Yes!
Do I understand what Jesus did for me, in my place, so that I wouldn't have to experience the consequences of not loving Him? Maybe not as much as I thought I did...
Do I love what He did for me? Of course.
Have I taken advantage of what He did for me by not living as though I love Him? Yes!
Can I change that? Yes!
Do I know how to change that? ummm....?
Do I even want to change that???? .................................

Do I love God????????????? Maybe I need to reevaluate... Maybe this requires a choice... Will I love Godenough to CHOOSE to change my life, and live in a way that honors Him, in a way that those who come into contact with me will experience not only love for Him, but even more so, His love for them...? He certainly deserves it... He died for me!

Oh, God, help me overcome my lack of love for YOU, my Creator and my Savior! Help me love you with all of my thoughts, my words, my actions. Help me to CHOOSE LOVE.

This is my conviction, and conviction leads to change... "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret,
but worldly sorrow brings death." (2 corinthians 7:10)

Today, God is showing me how little I have trusted him, and He's asking me to love Him through the joy and contentment found in TRUSTING Him. So today, I choose to stop whining, give God my future and trust Him with it.

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,

for I have put my trust in you.

show me the way I should go,

for to You I entrust my life."

Psalm 143:8

How will He ask me to love Him better tomorrow...? I don't know... One thing I know for sure, I'm not short on options!!

Will you choose to love Him today, however He asks you to?

I hope you have a beautiful Christmas, and that each of you is sweetly reminded of why this holiday exists..... as the beginning of a beautiful rescue mission for me and you!!!

Thank you all for your prayers for Chris and I and the ministry the Lord has trusted us with here in Louisiana. He is so good to us, even when we seem to forget all about Him...

Merry Christmas!

Anna Kathryn

"I thank my God every time I remember you,

in all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy!"

Philippians 1:3